Since the birth of Yunuen, “his half-moon, his water prince”, 38-year-old Yunier Hernández Soto has been showered with congratulations for being an excellent father, for it seems that a man who changes his son’s diapers, feeds him, bathes him and takes care of him, is considered a unique person and an endangered species that only a few privileged women manage to find.
He knows that his actions, rather than heroic, are duties that mothers usually discharge and never get praised for because they are considered “normal and natural”, as if women came into the world with a parenting manual. Yunier simply enjoys parenting and calls it a formidable experience.
His wife Claudia Pis Guirola, 31, was diagnosed with deep vein thrombosis in her right leg 20 days after her C-section and admitted to the ICU, so the newborn was left in the care of the father, who had never assumed such responsibility and had to deal with everything while Claudia was fighting for her life.
“I have a 12-year-old daughter from a previous relationship, but her mother and my mother-in-law took care of everything,” Yunier recalls. “I realize that I missed a lot by not developing at that time the bond that I now have with Yunuen: holding, smelling and soothing him, or spending the night watching his breathing and the tension of the first vaccine… a strong connection develops that grows by the minute, and looking into his eyes and seeing him smile makes up for all the sleepless nights.”
Yunier’s first try at changing a diaper was not perfect, but he eventually learned by trial and error.
“Mothers usually manage, but it is very hard, and a true challenge for a single parent. I am glad that Claudia and I are a team as we discover together how to be better parents,” he adds.
Claudia says that when she returned home the baby did not recognize her and would shy away from breastfeeding, but it was her husband who taught her how to hold and handle the baby properly.
“I always thought it would be my mother or another woman who would initiate me into motherhood, but as it turned out it was Yunier, a strong man, a military man with a marked masculinity who proved that gender has nothing to do with this and that we are all capable of exuding sensitivity and tenderness with a child,” she says.
She comes from a traditionally fatherless family whose women always were the main pillar.
“Perhaps because of my experience I made society’s usual mistake of stereotyping men and assuming that only mothers can be totally responsible for raising a child. When I found out I was pregnant I felt fear, because I thought what happened with my father would happen again,” she remarks. “I once mentioned my fears to Yunier, but he asked me not to misjudge him, for not all men are cast in the same mold, and it’s true. Ever since we met he has been protective and very responsible, and I never imagined that things would turn out as well as they did.
Today Yunier and Claudia keep enjoying Yunuen’s every little advance and sharing the household chores, although he does a little more so that she can continue to recover, as they intend to raise their baby in a loving home where everyone matters and helps equally.
“I want to support him, strengthen his self-esteem and values as he grows and make him aware of his duties and rights in his family. I want him to be a person of integrity, respectful, unafraid to fight for his dreams and work hard to achieve them,” says Claudia, who is already preparing to continue her professional life as a journalist.
“I just want him to love us as much as we love him,” Yunier stresses. “I intend to keep improving myself as a father and being closer to Yunuen and my daughter Aimee, who are my priority.”
The Family Code bill, currently undergoing a popular consultation, establishes that both parents have common and equal responsibilities and duties regarding the care, development and comprehensive and inclusive education of their children and that they have an obligation to care for and love them, to provide them with emotional stability and to raise them based on positive, non-violent and participatory forms of upbringing. They must also live together, whenever possible, and maintain permanent and meaningful communication with their children for the benefit of their family feelings and personality.
The proposed regulation also promotes full gender equality and the equitable distribution of time for domestic and caregiving work among all family members, without overburdening any of them.
